Suicide

Ways in which I have thought about taking myself out of this world:


Hanging: If it was good enough for mom.....

Overdose: I have enough medication in my home to kill a herd.

Intentional car wreck: I am too afraid that I would kill someone innocent.

Cutting my wrists: I'm a big chicken...I've sliced my finger open.. bad... that shit hurts.

Gun: I have a gun in my house, I could never use it. My g/f would never forgive herself for having it and I would be too afraid one of my children would find me.

Drowning: Swimming out to the middle of a lake and treading water until I was too exhausted to swim back....even though I'm terrified of drowning.

Jumping: I love heights but I'm afraid of heights. I know that doesn't make sense.

Suffocation: Movie: The life of David Gale.

Carbon Monoxide: This is the most alluring...you just have to fall asleep.



Ways in which I have imagined myself dying:


Terrible car crash in which I am burned to death. I know. My mind is a total freak.

Aneurysm. Quick pain and then it's lights out.

Gang banger busting into my office and poppin' a cap in my ass. I don't know what to say, I work in a shady part of town. My imagination runs wild.

Disgruntled employee. See above. *sigh* I know.

Home invasion. Ack! It happens and it scares me. I just keep praying that if it happens, I'm home alone. This also explains my obsession with locking our doors at all times during the day.

Heart attack. It's hereditary and it scares me. Obviously not enough to curb my appetite for steak and fried chicken.

Cancer. I've known a few people with cancer. It's a horrible way to die and I figure with my luck, this is the way I will go. I just hope it isn't stomach cancer because it's bad enough that I have IBS. I can't imagine anything more painful.

Airplane dropping out of the sky: I know this is a huge long shot. But it happens! And what a coincidence that my house is directly below the flight path to the airport.

Obscure medical condition: Blame it in my House obsession. I just love that show.

Car accident near a body of water: Because you know I would totally hit the water and my seat belt would get stuck and I wouldn't be able to get of the car. I am lucky like that.

Regardless of what you think of this post, I'm really not suicidal. I have a preoccupation with death and dying. I am convinced that regardless of how I die, I know it will be traumatic and dramatic. I fear it even though I think about it often. Call it an obsession rather than preoccupation. Either way, it's always on my mind.

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