Friday, February 27, 2009

Black creepy crawly

Last night Jesse wanted to watch Rooster Cogburn and I didn't. So instead of kicking her out of the living room which is what I usually do, I decided to retreat to the bedroom to find something on TV a little less John Wayneish. There really wasn't anything else on, I flipped through the channels a million times though.

I heard Jesse calling for me from Molly's room, I went to see what she wanted and she is sprawled across the bed lengthwise and is inspecting the wall on the other side of the mattress. I got up close to see what she was looking at and she said:

"Is this mold?"


"Well, it looks like mold."

I got closer, "and it smells like mold too."

Then I noticed that the paint was bubbled and I started to pick at it a little, then I was able to pull off about an 8 inch section of paint in one tug. What did I see?

MOLD! Nasty black mold and wet mushy sheet rock.


The outside water faucet in the front of the house is right at the corner of Molly's room. It leaked. It leaked for a long time. I finally told Jesse that if we don't get it fixed we were going to have a foundation problem. So we got it fixed and we thought that was going to be the end of it. But no. Not just no, but fuck no. Life would not give us a break on this one. Apparently the faucet leaked more than we thought because the moisture had to travel through brick, concrete, insulation and sheet rock and then through about 8 layers of paint.

Then Jesse pulled off a HUGE section of paint to reveal just how bad the mold was. The stench was so overwhelming I had to leave the room. The mold is bad y'all. Real bad.

So I called a lesbian friend of mine who renovates houses for a living and asked her opinion on the matter. Were going to have to tear out the infected area plus a foot extra in every direction and make sure that it all dries out. Treat any leftover moldy areas like brick or the studs to make sure the mold is indeed dead, then put up new insulation, sheet rock, tape, mud and paint, etc..etc.. physical labor, sweating, cursing and achy sore muscles. Yeehaw. And since Molly has developed her own personality since I squeezed her out we had eventual (key word is eventual) plans to turn her cowgirl themed bedroom into a princess themed bedroom so we might as well do that while were tearing out half of the walls. Can I get a yeehaw?

Did I mention that we are in the middle, the VERY MIDDLE of renovating the den? And did I mention that we were planning to renovate the living room right after the den? Were not just talking about slapping a new coat of paint on the walls, the den is being completely remodeled and we will repaint the living room, tear out and replace all of the trim and crown molding, new window treatments and new hard wood floors!

I will practically have a new house when this is finished. Now all I need is to finish the other half of the bathroom (we have a new tub, toilet, sink & faucet), re-model our bedroom and Eugene's room and it will be a brand new house. Were also getting a flat screen TV. Yeehaw.

So, if you haven't heard from me in a while, it will be safe to assume that Jesse got sick of me complaining about all of the work and beat me to death with a paintbrush roller.

Can I get a yeehaw?


Oh Phillip!!!


Thursday, February 26, 2009

Matters of the heart

Not love. Heart disease. My co-worker had a health scare and it made me think about my own mortality. I know that I will die someday. I'm hoping that it will be in my sleep, of natural causes and when I'm elderly. But we all know it doesn't always work out that way. I think it happens a lot less than people imagine.

Of all of the people in my family that have died (and there have been many) only one of those people died peacefully in their sleep (and who really knows for sure if it was peaceful because she was alone). The rest? Heart disease. It sucks. I feel like I'm doomed because not one person in my family (who did not commit suicide, thats a whole other story) has died from something other than heart disease on both sides of my family. Double doomed. Does cancer run in my family? Don't know. No one lives long enough to get cancer.

DOOMED, but I would like to be doomed at an older age than the rest of my family and the only way to do that is to get healthy. I already quit smoking but I am like a ton of other people and I am way too heavy. Food is my drug of choice, my lover, my confidant, my security blanket. I've been leaning on my confidant too much because it shows in the form of a closet full of clothes that I can longer squeeze my ass into.

So I started taking baby steps. I have had oatmeal for breakfast 3 times this week AND I did not slather it with butter. I used on packet of Splenda and one small pat of butter. That has to be better than a sausage egg McMuffin right? Or Bavarian cream filled donuts or that damn breakfast burrito that is so stinkin yummy. I need a napkin, I'm drooling.

I have also tried to reduce the amount of food I eat because I can eat like a football player y'all. It's not even funny. There was this incident at IHOP over the weekend and I have forbidden Jesse to speak about it. Not even to me. I'm in the process of suppressing that memory.

The good news? I have lost 2.5 lbs in 4 days. THAT to me, is amazing. I just need to get through the weekend without frying something. For those of you who are from the South, you know what I mean.


Friday, February 20, 2009

Pregnancy Part 3 - Week 5 through 8

Week 4 - July 28th - August 3rd

-Well, my stomach has been feeling pretty crummy. It feels hungry all the time, but then I can't eat much. Started having terrible pains in my stomach, I was paranoid but hopeful. I went in for an ultrasound on Aug 2nd, no cysts, everything looked good, but couldn't find a sac because it was too early. I'll go back Friday for another ultrasound and another beta. I hope we can see something by then. Every time I eat something my stomach hurts like hell, I'm thinking it's gastritis. I may overdose on Tums.

-Feeling better, no major stomach issues, I have been able to eat without too much of a problem. My pregnancy symptoms seemed to have minimized a bit. This worries me to no end. I also had a bit of spotting on the morning of Aug 4th, but nothing since. I'm belching and farting like a truck driver. How sexy am I?

Week 5 - August 4th- August 10th

-I had an ultrasound today and we got to see the gestational sac. WHAT A RELIEF! My hcg jumped to 2275 and my progesterone went back up to 29. Everything looked fantastic! Because I have a fibroid in my uterus my RE mentioned that I "may" be at a slight higher risk for a C-section. BUT everything looked GREAT!!! I go back for another ultrasound to find the heartbeat on August 15th. Here's a pic of our precious little one!

-All is well except for some constant mild cramping - which could be anything at this point. I've had some dizziness, a bit of morning sickness, and a lot of fatigue. Jesse seems to have all of the symptoms right along with me. She's being a great sport about it, she's very excited and pats or touches my belly a lot.

Week 6 - August 11th - August 17th

-On Monday August 15 we are officially 6 weeks and 4 days and we saw the heartbeat! Yeah, it was such a relief to see that little heartbeat! I think we can breathe a little easier now and can relax a bit and try to start enjoying this pregnancy. My risk for miscarriage goes down to 10%, so were still cautious, but so very optimistic!!!!

Week 7 - August 18th - August 24th

-Morning sickness hit with a massive boom last night. The nausea carried over to today, but it was much better after lunch. Still feeling tired, and I'm already popping out of my shirts. A friend of mine is loaning me some maternity clothes, I will pick those up today, I can't WAIT! I get to have fun tonight going through all of them. Only 5 more weeks and I will be past the 12 weeks mark. The "safe zone".

-Had a bit of a scare over the weekend with pretty bad cramping and spotting. I called the on-call OB and she told me to rest all weekend and to go to the ER if things got really bad. So I rested all weekend, and by Monday morning the spotting had stopped, but I called my RE anyway. I was able to go in for another ultrasound and we saw a strong heartbeat and couldn't find any problems at all. The cramps come and go and basically I just have to deal with them. Morning (evening) sickness is still a bit of a problem. I'm having trouble finding stuff to eat that appeals to me. AND I've gained 4 lbs. I'm already wearing maternity clothes because I'm popping out EVERYWHERE.

Here's another pic


Thursday, February 19, 2009

Our Song

I forgot to name what our song is in my Cupid post. And boy did you guys let me know! LOL

Our song is Ring of Fire by Johnny Cash.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Odd things I notice

This is a snapshot of my home page.

In case you can't see it, it says "Jerry OyConnell"

Is that a Jewish/Irish thing?

Not funny? I thought it was funny. Maybe I'm just weird.

Pay no attention to the lopsided arrow.


Tuesday, February 17, 2009

How Cupid made me cry

I am very verbal about the fact that Jesse and I do not celebrate Valentines Day. It's a Hallmark holiday made up by some sentimental jerk off in order to make us feel bad that we don't appreciate and adore our significant other the other 364 days of the year. Not that I have a strong opinion on that or anything.

I hate the holiday. Plain and simple. The chocolates, the cards, the red and pink hearts. It's an assault on the senses. No one should have to see that much red and pink at one time. Don't even get me started on the jewelry commercials on TV. SWEAR TO GOD I WILL HIT YOU WITH A PINK BOX FULL OF CHOCOLATES.

So imagine how verklempt I was when I got up on Saturday morning and there was a card and a gift sitting on the kitchen table. If you could read my thoughts, there would have been a comment bubble above my head with this in it:


"Honey, what is this? We don't celebrate Valentines Day."

"I know, but since I blew it on your birthday AND Christmas, I thought I would take the opportunity to make it up to you."

That is when a tiny tear formed in my eye, my heart (pink I'm sure) began to melt and I got all mushy. FUCKING VALENTINES DAY! On the inside I was shaking my fist at Cupid, the little fucker.

The card played a song when you opened it, and of course, it was "our song". Which just made me want to melt into a puddle right then and there. I love our song. It's so...... different. I have never in my life known this song to be anyone else's song. Of course. We may just be odd.
The gift made me leave the room and cry. You see, when she wants to, Jesse can bring me to my knees and and make me weep. She is just an amazing person. I am so very lucky. She bought me a flag display box for my fathers flag. Just typing this out makes my throat hurt and my eyes well up.

My dad has been gone for almost 3 years and I've been asking for a box for about the last year. It took me that long just to be able to get the words out without choking on them.
She got me a box for his flag. I'm overwhelmed with joy and sadness at the same time. I miss him so very much every day. He missed out on my beautiful daughter and she will never know her papa and they really would have liked each other. I'm certain of that.

Pregnancy Part 2 - Finally a baby on the way

(Pregnancy diary posting from 2005)

Just a history of this cycle - After the miscarriage we had to wait through 3 cycles to try again and in the meantime I had some tests done and it turns out my progesterone levels are way low which told us that I can get pregnant, I just can't stay pregnant. Secondary infertility. We had another IUI in June and I had to use progesterone suppositories starting on the third day after the IUI. It postponed my period which got my hopes up. Stupid, I know. I knew it could delay my period and I got my hopes up anyway. Live and learn.

I told our Fertility Doc that we were only giving it one more shot. I couldn't deal with the emotional let down time after time. We were worn slick. I told him we needed to bring out the big guns. And he did. God love him.

I took Femara on CD 5 through 9, started OPK's on CD 12. Had a positive OPK in the evening of July 11th and the morning of July 12th.

July 12, 2005 - IUI in the morning. CM looked good, all signs point to great timing.

July 13, 2005 - OPK still very positive, another IUI at noon. This is the first time we've ever done 2 inseminations in one cycle. CM still had most of it's clarity. Very uncomfortable cramping on my right side, RE says it's ovulation pain. I'm feeling very bloated and my abdomen is very tender.

July 14, 2005 - Ovulation Day - The waiting begins. Not as bloated as yesterday, abdomen is still a bit tender. I know it's too early for this to mean anything, but I want to post it anyway. I had some dizziness in the afternoon and in the evening and what seemed to be more than usual CM causing "leaky" sensation. Too early I know...but I'm posting EVERYTHING!

July 15, 2005 - 1 DPO - I'm bloated again. My stomach is very tender. The vibration from walking hurts. It's starting to worry me a bit, this doesn't feel normal. It never hurts like this with a normal non-IUI cycle. Started progesterone this morning, already have increased appetite from it. JOY! I expect full side effects by Monday. I cried twice today listening to a song on the radio. Stupid song. I also had left breast pain under the nipple that last about 20 seconds. Temps are flatlined, this was expected due to the progesterone. Weird body aches and pains this time around. Puzzling.

July 16, 2005 - 2 DPO - Still a bit bloated. Abdomen is still tender and getting worse in the evening. What the hell is THAT about. I slept late today, and I got a little more tired than usual, probably from the progesterone and the stress of it all. Can't forget the STRESS!

July 17, 2005 - 3 DPO - Abdomen feels a lot better, still some bloating especially when I eat. Very fatigued and had heartburn in the middle of the night. Dreaming a lot and not sleeping well. This process is such a roller coaster. Not just with emotions, but to pay attention to every little thing your body is doing is exhausting. My mind is constantly racing, calculating hours and days, signs and symptoms, what-if's and could be's. This process is both emotionally and physically demanding.

July 18, 2005 - 4 DPO - Abdomen feels normal again, very hungry to the point of nausea. Had heartburn in the middle of the night again. Am I eating too late in the evening? Dreaming a lot still, not sleeping well. I'm blaming that on the progesterone. 1 degree temp spike. Very tired. It's only day 4 and I'm ready for this to be done one way or the other. BM have changed, more urgent need to go, and if I can't go right away it's very uncomfortable.

July 19, 2005 - 5 DPO - No more heartburn, tad bit of cramping, still dreaming a lot. Temp still flatlined. Tired. Woke up with a little bit of a stuffy nose that went away quickly. Nothing else. Nothing left to over analyze or hang on to by my fingernails.

July 20, 2005 - 6 DPO - No heartburn. I had a lot of cramping, switching from my left side to my right side all day. Pain behind right nipple. Tired, increased CM....I think....hard to tell with the progesterone. It seems like something might be going on in there...very hopeful.

July 21, 2005 - 7 DPO - Took forever to go to sleep last night. I'm very tired today. Before lunch I had no symptoms whatsoever, very discouraging. After lunch the cramps seem to be returning. Had a temp spike of .1 degree, I wish it would keep going up so I can have an indication of which symptoms to look for. What the hell is going on with this nipple pain? Is it a progesterone thing because COME ON!

July 22, 2005 - 8 DPO - Cramps on and off. Sharp poking/pinching pain low low in my abdomen. Ears feel like their full of water...and popping. Tired, not sleeping well. Face got flush today, felt very hot. Not much appetite. Sudden burning type pains in both breasts that lasts only a few seconds. Feel kind of depressed today. Temp went back down .1 degree, very flatlined temps, I wish it would have a great big spike. I really just don't feel well at all. I think the stress of all of this is catching up with me. It's making me tired and cranky.

July 23, 2005 - 9 DPO - Nothing new really. Still tired, still no appetite. Cramps here and there. Praying. Thinking. Praying. Crying. I hate that we have to go through this. I'm not sure my RE told me to buckle my seat belt for this ride.

July 24, 2005 - 10 DPO - Same as yesterday. Bah hum bug.

July 25, 2005 - 11 DPO - Wow..I feel like crap! I just don't feel good all over. I'm hot, sick to my stomach, tired, my boobs are starting to hurt and I'm cranky! All I can say is WOW! The a/c is out at the office, so I don't know if it's that or genuine pregnancy...but let me tell you that I FEEL pregnant! I feel very pregnant and if I'm not I will be so sad because OH MY GOSH I TOTALLY FEEL PREGNANT! I will test tomorrow.









July 26, 2005 - 12 DPO - Well what do you know! We have a bun in the oven! I went for a beta and my hcg was only 24, but my progesterone was 22.23 The progesterone is good, but the hcg is low. Were hoping it's just because it's early (very early) in the pregnancy and the numbers will go up. OH MY GOD WERE PREGNANT!!

July 27, 2005 - 13 DPO - Today has been hard knowing that this pregnancy can go either way. The low hcg is cause for concern. We've been right here at this moment before and I hate hate HATE that were here again. Were hoping and praying for a good outcome. I'm having all the pregnancy symptoms: Fatigue, nausea, lack of appetite, sore and swollen boobs. The symptoms are very comforting at the moment because I have nothing else to hold onto.

July 28, 2005 - 14 DPO - My temperature spiked to an all time high this morning. My beta results are in: hcg is 54 and progesterone is 29.13 These numbers make us feel a bit better, but I'm praying that the beta on Monday is even better!

August 1, 2005 - 18 DPO - hcg is 403! Yeah!! Progesterone dropped to 24.7, but RE doesn't seem too concerned. Were definitely preggo! I can't believe this is finally happening. We are so blessed. This was our last try! Wow. I am so excited and in awe that we are really going to have a baby.


Monday, February 16, 2009

Spackle and marriage

I'm still pulling spackle out of my hair from the weekend. The den renovation continues despite protests from my aching back and sore knees. Were not even half way there yet and I'm so over it. I want my den back. I want my little corner to be back the way it was so I can go in there and draw, paint, scrapbook or make a card whenever the urge strikes. I have a couple of painting projects I want to start and I can't because of the mess. Spackle sucks ass. We also have 2 dogs and a toddler tracking through the mess we made. I forgot to take a picture but we now have a toddler size handprint right in the middle of the freshly spackled wall. Nice. We did get the largest wall finished, but it's little consolation because of the amount of work that is left to do. My girlfriend is highly ambitious. She thinks we will be finished in time to paint this weekend. We will be gone half a day on Saturday to a basketball game and she wants to be able to paint on Sunday. Ha ha ha ha ha. Very ambitious indeed!

The only bright spot is that my sneakers were ruined yesterday in the process and now I will be forced to buy another pair. Damn the spackle for forcing me to go shoe shopping!

Speaking of scrapbooking, I am getting this when we are through with the remodel and I am so happy! I get all giddy when I think about it.

My boss got engaged over the weekend. yeahhhh. I am SO excited. Can you tell? I get to hear about 2 people planning their wedding. You know. The only other people in the office that I am with 8 hours a day. Talking about weddings, receptions, bridesmaid dresses, churches, invitations, flowers, decorations, showers and honeymoons. Gag me. Does anyone use that expression any more? Gag me with a spoon. Why a spoon? Why not a fork or a knife? Sorry...random thoughts. I just really don't want to hear all of the wedding stuff. It became old long before Cruella got engaged and now my boss is afflicted with it. It must stop before my mouth can no longer contain the evil words floating around in my brain.

He said he would get married before the end of the year so at least the wedding nonsense will stop in no more than 10 1/2 months.


At least 2010 looks promising.

More pregnancy diary coming soon.


Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Pregnancy Part 1 - Pregnancy & Miscarriage

I will be transferring my pregnancy diary to this blog from it's previous home so I can delete the old and carry on with the new.

The following took place in 2005

February 3rd Thur. - Day of insemination. Everything went well, I have the normal cramping/bloating feeling that is normal after the procedure. Praying that this time it will take. I don't know how many more times my head and my heart can do this.

February 4th Fri. - 1 DPO (Day Post Ovulation) At about 4:00 am I had a pretty bad cramp on my right side, enough to wake me up and them my moans of pain woke Jesse up. Normal bloating sensation and I craved orange juice which was kind of weird. I had right breast twinges/pain, headache, and weird "leaking" sensations. More cramping. Trying not to read too much into anything because Holy hell it has only been 1 day. Fuck this patience shit. It's for the birds.

February 5th Sat. - 2 DPO - I actually took a 2 hour nap! That rarely happens for me, I also had some slight heartburn late in the evening. Still hating the wait. Looking for symptoms that I know won't be there yet. Have I said this waiting shit is for the birds?

February 6th Sun. - 3 DPO - Nipple tenderness, and severe mood swing . OMG I'm dying with this symptom shit. Why can't we have a little turkey pop up thingy to tell us if were baking or not? Too many cooking references? The wait. Oh the wait.

February 7th Mon. - 4 DPO - Nipple tenderness still, "Full" feeling in lower abdomen, sudden pain above pelvic bone, cramping, slight nausea around 11:00 am, frequent urination (not sure if pregnancy related or just too much to drink). Birds and more birds.

February 8th Tues. - 5 DPO - I had a temperature spike this morning, and wasn't for sure what it meant so I had to do some research. The spike is indicative of implantation. BUT that isn't fool proof. We'll have to see what my temps do for the next few days. Some women get a temp spike and aren't pregnant, but it could be a good sign. I'm definitely hormonal today, I've cried twice and it's only 10:00 am. Could be pregnancy hormones, but it could just be regular old PMS! My cheeks also felt flush and I may have had a dizzy spell, it was a real quick "rush" type of feeling. I also had cramping in the afternoon, and a little bit of creamy CM. Have I mentioned that the waiting is the worst!

February 9th Wed. - 6DPO - I woke up early with heavy cramping. This isn't the type of cramping I've had the last 5 days. It's a much heavier cramp, and it feels deeper than the previous cramps. It is all across my lower abdomen, and it feels the same as cramping on the first day of your period. It made my spirits drop and I almost gave up hope on everything. The cramping has not stopped, it is continuous. I have no other symptoms. I'm still hopeful, but I'm not as positive as I was previously. (Okay, who am I kidding, positive? LMAO I'm so full of shit) I also got sick to my stomach, I don't know if that is true nausea or that I was sick to my stomach because my cramps hurt so bad. I had another temperature spike of .1 degree, I hope that is a good sign. I can only keep my fingers crossed at this point.

February 10th Thur. - 7DPO- The heavy cramps finally went away last night to be replaced with the normal cramps I've been having. I did have another temp spike of .1 degrees again, so thats a temp spike 3 days in a row, my cycle is definitely triphasic which is a really good sign. I am a tad bit constipated today as well..which is also another symptom. Coincidence? I sure hope not!! Other than that, I'm having no other symptoms. I do have info that might be relevant I just don't know. Usually I am awake long before the alarm clock goes off, and I will doze and wake up, doze and wake up. This morning I slept all the way through the night and the alarm clock woke me up. That doesn't happen often. More tired? I wish I knew!!! Only 5 more days and I might do an HPT. I may wait 7 days just to be sure. I would rather get my period than see a negative HPT!

February 11th Fri. - 8DPO - Well, my temperature dipped .2 degrees today. That isn't necessarily bad news, I kind of expected it after looking at other women's temp charts online. Today I have mild cramps, barely noticeable in the morning, but increasing as the day progresses. I don't know if that's good or bad. I am a bit moody today, but my back and hip hurts so that may be why. I am a bit discouraged today because of lack of symptoms, but I'm not giving up yet. After all, some women don't have any symptoms until after they miss their period. I hope the weekend brings good news. I will be in class all weekend, hopefully that will make the time go by really fast.

February 12th & 13th Sat & Sun - 9 & 10 DPO - Cramps eased off on 12th, totally disappearing on 13th. No symptoms whatsoever! Not very hopeful. Temps went back up after dip, staying the same on both days. Took an EPT knowing that it was too early, it was negative of course. Hoping to not give in to the temptation to test again.

February 14th Mon. - 11 DPO - No cramps in the morning. No symptoms. My temp dipped .5 degrees...not a good sign. Late afternoon, cramps started and are getting heavier as the day goes on. My face feels "flushed", I'm having to put my coke can on my face to feel better. Not sure if my body is hot, or the office is hot. Looked at my calendar and realized today is day 28 of my cycle. My period should arrive today according to my last period, but not until Wednesday according to the 14 day rule for ovulation. So if I don't start at all today, I will have a glimmer of hope. I will probably wait until Thursday to test. KEEPING FINGERS CROSSED TIGHT!!!

February 15th Tues. - 12 DPO - Well my temp is the same as yesterday. I guess it's a good thing that it didn't drop more. I didn't get my period yesterday, but that only makes me assume that I will get it tomorrow on the 14th day after ovulation. I suppose we'll see. I do have cramping again today, but that could mean anything. I don't know if I've gotten so upset today worrying about everything, but my stomach is in an uproar! My stomach hurts and I'm a bit nauseated. Do I think I'm pregnant? No, not really, I think I've gotten myself into such an emotional state that I've made myself sick. I wish I could calm down. I guess in 2 days I will either be calm or excited. Either way I hope to feel better...unless I have morning sickness...then I'll be just as happy!!

February 16th Wed. - 13 DPO - Ended up spotting a little last night but no spotting today! AF is supposed to arrive this afternoon. BIG GRIN! My temp spiked as well. I'm not sure what all of this means, but at this point I'm very hopeful.

February 17th Thur. - 14 DPO - I did end up having some spotting last night that was a bit heavier than the previous spotting. Still cramping somewhat. Nothing major. Had a small temp dip this morning, again nothing major. I half expected it to drop real low to indicate that my period would arrive today, but it didn't. I am literally on pins and needles just waiting for something to happen. I'm afraid to take an HPT, I just can't handle a negative!! If my period doesn't arrive, I will probably hold out until Saturday or Sunday to test...just to be sure.

February 18th Fri - 15 DPO - Okay, my temp is the same as yesterday. No spotting today at all. BUT I took an HPT this morning and it was negative. *bummer* Getting cramps on and off. I'm so afraid to get my hopes up. No other symptoms, unless you count being hungry all of the time...but I've been so busy that eating hasn't been a priority lately, so I could ACTUALLY be hungry. So I guess I'm officially 1 day late! I'm keeping those fingers crossed!!

February 19th & 20th Sat & Sun - 16 & 17 DPO - Saturday I had a tiny bit of spotting, I did have to pee a lot today (wondering if I was drinking a lot)no other "real" symptoms. My temp spiked higher than it has been the whole cycle. I seem to be eating more, but that could be stress eating. Sunday got a negative HPT, had more spotting than previously. No symptoms to speak of. Getting very frustrated that I don't know anything yet. My temp also dropped close to the cover line...getting a little depressed about all of this.

February 21st Mon. - 18 DPO - My temp dropped .1 degree from yesterday, I'm feeling like it's not looking good. No cramps in the am, but in the afternoon the cramps have returned and are pretty severe, with them being this bad I expect my period to arrive any second. I'm not feeling hopeful about this anymore. This morning felt like a normal day mid cycle. I did some research online and found that there are a lot of women out there who negative HPT's sometimes to even 9 days late, so I'm still holding on to hope, but at this point not much. It has been a long time since I have been this late. *sigh* I hate this waiting.

February 22nd Tue. - 19 DPO - WE'RE PREGNANT!!

We got a faint positive on the HPT this morning!! We are so happy!!!

February 24th - Unfortunately we have miscarried.


Friday, February 6, 2009

We should rename my blog "I hate my co-worker"

Wow. I never in my life thought that I would complain so much about Cruella, but this woman lives in her own world. And if I hear her say "While I appreciate the fact that you're trying to help..." one more time I might just have to say "While I appreciate your attempt to be a decent human being, you are failing miserably and I need to unhook your battery."

Yesterday she was making phone calls on company time trying to find an organization that would help a family pay their medical bills (because her father takes it upon himself to help strays and wayward families). During the phone calls she said what her name was and that she worked for "XYZ Company".

My internal alarm bells started going off so when she got off the phone I asked her who she was making the calls for and instead of just saying "My dad" she gave me a 5 minute explanation about her father taking in strays and helping out the homeless and that he always has some sort of project going to help people and this one time he...... after that it was all blah blah blah.

Before I let her finish her little speech I had to interrupt and I said "So your answer is your dad." Was I being a bitch? I'm so sick of her long winded back stories. She over explains everything and I just don't have that kind of time.

Don't get me wrong. I'm glad that she has a big enough heart to try to help some people out but she was misrepresenting our company.

Our company is not trying to help this family and the fact that she is dropping our name makes it sound like we are behind this endeavor. It's misleading and dishonest. This was a personal matter and she should have never said our company name out loud.

So I called her on it. The thing about finally speaking out and standing up to your co-worker is that it gets easier every time you do it. I told her that I felt it was a misrepresentation of us because our company was not seeking help on their behalf and that her name dropping was inappropriate. She said she didn't intend for it to sound that way. I said "okay" and left it at that.

10 minutes later.... "While appreciate the fact that you spoke up about how you felt, I would prefer it if you wouldn't say "okay" and just tell me what you think. Tell me that you think it's wrong or tell me anything, but just don't say "okay" and then walk away.

She had a good point. I hated her for it. I wanted to poke out her eyes and cram them up her nose.

So I told her that I thought it was inappropriate to misrepresent who you are calling on behalf of because our company had nothing to do with it and she shouldn't have name dropped.

I could go on and on because let me just tell you, Cruella can beat a subject to death. She will talk about any given thing so much that you finally just give in because apparently, telling her to shut the fuck up would be wrong. At least that's what they tell me. I'm not so sure. It would seem to be an effective tool if you ask me.

I tried my hardest not to speak to her for the rest of the day. Why I let this person ruin my mood and get under my skin so much I will never know. What I do know is that almost every person in the company who has had the guts to say it out loud has said they don't like her and wouldn't trust her for anything.

So in the end I'm not the only one who has problems with her. It seems 99% of our staff feel the same way. They are fortunate not to have to share an office with her. I know more about wedding planning than I ever cared to. Just like everyday, she's going to show me something wedding related and I'm going to tell her that it's ugly and that I can't believe she would have that at her wedding.

Maybe she will be the one who leaves the office angry and blue. I think it's her turn now.


Tuesday, February 3, 2009


I probably should have thought about this before my tolerance for my co-worker wore thin and before I grew a pair of nubbin balls and told her she was wasting staff meeting time. Arrggggg arrgggggg.

What I have done has slowly sunk in and there is a knot in the pit of my stomach. I have realized that Cruella will not take any of this lightly. She holds a grudge and she will seek revenge. That revenge will probably be in the form of attempting to humiliate me in front of an audience of as many people as she can gather. She will lie in wait, licking her hands like a lioness plotting her next kill. She will let the the little opportunities pass by like field mice all the while licking her chops knowing that an antelope will soon turn that corner. Oh yes, she's waiting to pounce and she will go for the jugular and she won't stop chomping until I'm thoroughly humiliated. Then she will lick her lips in satisfaction over her triumphant kill, preen herself and pull her shoulders back with pride because she stuck it to me good.

It's unfortunate that I feel this way about her. Knowing that every time I stand up to her or say something she doesn't want to hear that she will get back at me one way or the other. Now that I have spoken up it seems that I have thrown down the gauntlet and there is no picking it back up and saying "Haha, just kidding you great person you!" So now I have to own what I did, stand behind it and continue to speak up. Otherwise she will continue to goad me into these trivial little games she plays. What games? Let me give you an example or 20.

Situation #1.

We have a meeting that starts in 10 minutes. Cruella is on her way out and stops at my desk and asks "Can I help you with something?" I say "Sure, can you make 10 copies of this?" "No problem." She replies. She makes my 10 copies and then leaves to go to the meeting. I am literally 1 minute behind her. When we arrive to the meeting she announces to everyone "Sorry, I'm late. I had to help Kathy get ready for this meeting."

It took her doing that 3 times before I figured out what she was doing. She was running behind for all of these meetings and offered her assistance in order to blame me for her being tardy and unprepared. Picture me realizing what she was doing and then being unable to say "That fucking bitch." in my out loud voice. I thought my head was going to explode.

Situation #2.

We had some items go missing from one of our facilities that had to be closed down. I made a passing joke to Cruella that maybe I should call the former employees and just make sure I have their correct address for the "police investigation" to maybe scare someone into returning the items. It was a flip comment and I had no intention of taking that statement to my boss. It was kind of a joke. 30 minutes later we are both in a meeting with our boss and Cruella opened her big fat smelly mouth and said "Kathy had this idea that......" and then went on to explain what I had said. I should have known that she would do this because it's not the first time she has ratted me out about something I said. So, I felt that I had to own the comment and my boss kind of snickered about it and said maybe we should do something like that.

This is where she totally drives a knife into my back. She said that she thought it was a bad idea, talked about why it was a bad idea and then provided her own solution to retrieve the missing items. Now I have no problem with her telling us her ideas. If she has a solution to a problem then that is just great, but she threw me under the bus and intentionally tried to make me look bad before she told us her brilliant idea that was so much better than mine. That just isn't cool. I will make sure that if I am in the room and can stop her, she will never do that to me again. It was humiliating to say the least. The second she says "Kathy said..." I am going to give her a verbal smack down.

In the end, I had the last laugh. I proceeded with my idea and it worked. The missing items were "miraculously" found.

These are just 2 of the many examples of why I hate her so much. I know that hate is such a strong word, but when she uses people the way she does it evokes very strong emotions. I think she's fake and she gives off the impression that she is better than you. To me she is white trash trying to live a life of status that she only received (in her head) once she became engaged to her fiance who is an up and coming member of society who works for a prestigious local firm.

You can take the girl off the farm and put her in a party dress but she's still going to say "Yee haw."


Monday, February 2, 2009

I did it!


First of all, like the new layout? I love it! It's pink! I will make a few changes here and there when I get the chance, but for now I love it.....

My title. Your wondering what it means right? You are on your seat with anticipation right? Your salivating just at the mere thought that I am about to tell you something profound. Right? Well, here it is.

I finally told my co-worker to shut up. Sort of. Well, not really. But kind of!

Here's the thing. At our staff meeting this morning she rattled on and on about a project that is going on and it had nothing to do with the rest of the staff in the room. The subject could have been addressed in her regular meeting with our boss. Why she chose to waste time during this meeting I just don't know but she does it A LOT. I think she wasted 20 minutes today. Meanwhile, me and another co-worker were exchanging funny looks and we finally had to look away from each other lest we start falling out of our chairs in a fit of manic giggling.

I would have hated having to explain that to my boss.

I told her that I felt subjects that do not involve the rest of the staff wastes staff meeting time and the information could have been given to our boss at their regular meeting. It left the rest of us doodling in our notebooks and checking our watches. I finally had to speak up about it.

See those little nubbins? Those are my balls. You need a magnifying glass, but by golly they are there. And their all mine.

Let's see what happens with my co-worker. Something tells me she will do something to get back at me.


So! After stewing about what I said this morning, my co-worker came to me, sat in the chair in front of me and started talking. Let me start this by saying that when she needs to convince someone that she is sick, or that she feels personally "injured" her voice drops real low, soft and rough. So that is how it started. With "the voice".

"First, I want to thank you for being mindful of the time I wasted talking about something that should have been a direct conversation. I try to be aware of those things so I appreciate you helping me. The reason I spoke about that topic during our staff meeting is because it was new information on Friday and I had not had a chance to speak with Harold (our boss) and I wanted to make sure that he had all of the information. I don't want to have to go into his office 10 times a day every time I have new information so I thought I would be bugging him less, whereas the other staff only talk to him a couple of times per week. But again, I want you to know that I am thankful that you are there to make sure I'm not wasting precious time that could be used for more productive purposes."

I just have one thing to say about that. Fuck off.