My blog...it hurts

If anyone has any ideas on how to re-vamp the look of my blog, I am open to suggestions. It's like having green shag carpet.

Linoleum? Tile? Wood flooring?

Options people. Options.

That nutty ghost

I still have no idea what the hell is wrong with my blog. I hope to have some time this weekend to fix it.....on to today's post!!

Our little ghosty-poo was up to his old tricks again last night. There is nothing like sitting in the living room with your family watching TV and then the toys in the bedroom start making noise like someone is playing with them. It's even worse, when your sitting on the couch and you can see down the hallway and into Molly's room and can actually see the lights on the toy light up. Ferrreaky!

It's a good thing I don't scare easily. Meh. Okay, I almost had to change my panties. Don't be judging me. If you don't have a ghost then you have no idea how reliable your bladder would be in this situation. Come over if you want to test it out. I won't point and laugh at the wet spot. Promise!

I don't mind that I can feel the presence in our house or that I can usually tell which room it's in. It hangs out in Molly's room mostly which is why she hates sleeping in there. Of course I can only assume that. Little kids have a way of knowing these things. She doesn't like being in her room, let alone sleep in there. Which reminds me, we need a bigger bed because our Queen size bed is getting a little small for 2 fat lesbians, a 3 year old and 2 dogs. God forbid if Eugene has a nightmare and needs to crawl in bed too. I don't know how much our poor bed can take.

I've never felt afraid of whatever is in our house, just always aware of it. It makes my skin crawl sometimes but I don't worry about it hurting us. So we go on with life and after almost 6 years in this house the little bugger is still hanging out with us. I just hope I don't wake up again to find a pile of random shit neatly stacked on top of each other. That incident was a bit more tinkle inducing than I care for.

Until he comes a knocking again I have stocked up on clean panties.

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Oh my holy hell

I told myself that I was not going to make any posts about my co-worker Amanda. I even went through my archives and deleted anything that was even remotely negative about her.

Why? Why?

Because I'm fucking stupid that's why. I was worried about hurting her feelings and I was worried that if she read some of the things I said about her that I would have trouble facing her and I would be completely embarrassed. I was being all whiny about not having the balls to say what I want to on MY blog.

Fuck that shit.

I'm about 2 seconds away from hurting her feelings and snapping her neck right after. If she isn't driving me insane with her wedding plans that I could care less about then she's being obnoxious with any one of a million clients on the phone and that is only the beginning!

She told my (our) assistant this morning that she was too defensive when she pointed out mistakes to her. I think being defensive with anything when it comes to Amanda is justified. She pointed out shit that was in my opinion totally stupid. And we all know that it's my opinion that counts. And only my opinion. I'm just saying. It's a given, but sometimes a reminder is needed.

This afternoon I was meeting with the accountant Kelly. When Kelly asked me a question Amanda answered before I could even draw in a breath to speak. Then when Kelly asked another question, she did it again. Even Kelly was annoyed. It's none of her business. Leave the accounting & bookkeeping to me sugar tits and you just keep on sniffing every one's ass.

Then she said "Oh I'm sorry, I should have let you answer. I think out loud and I should have kept my mouth shut." I ignored her. I should have responded. I'm such a pussy. I need to speak up, but my balls? They are missing. I've searched for them. I had them at one point. Brass ones. Big ones. Where did they go? I hear that they shrivel in cold water but they eventually return. I need to form a search party for them.

Missing: Kathy's Balls
Description: Big and brass
Last seen: Sometime in 2002
Reward: My undying love and devotion

What do you mean you could care less about my love and devotion? That hurts. Fucker.

Now? I want her to go the fuck away. I can't wait for the construction for our new office to be finished so she will be behind a door and out of my way and out of my business. I figure once she gets married and knocked up she'll resign and become a Stepford wife so I just have to hang in there for another year or so. Anyone know how to sabotage birth control?

I'm just saying.

Later Bitches.

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Whaa?

Something happened to my layout. It went berserk. I'm not sure I have the energy to even mess with it this week.

Ice storm rolled in. My boss doesn't think it's that bad and said everyone is overreacting. The governor declared a state of emergency for the entire state. But it's not that bad. *rolling eyes with much vigor*

I'm sure it will take me 3 hours to make my 20 minute drive home. Slick roads don't scare me, it's the 10 million idiots that get on the road the minute a droplet of moisture forms.

I will update soon. Promise.

Critters

We all went to bed fairly early last night. Lin as usual was exhausted and was asleep shortly after 8:00 pm. I hate that her work is so physically draining. She's also having some back pain. I would be tired too if I were on my feet all day dealing with customers. Lucky for me I get to sit on my ass all day and the biggest risk to my health is paper cuts and carpal tunnel.

Molly & I crawled into bed because I didn't feel like dealing with the drama of putting her in her own bed and we were both asleep fairly quick. We all slept so sound. It was an awesome night. That is, until 4:30 this morning.

Depending on where everyone sleeps the dogs have their favorite place to sleep. Eugene keeps his door shut at night so they don't sleep with him. If Molly is in her own bed, 1 or both of the dogs are sleeping with her. If Molly, Lin and I are all in the same bed the dogs are with us too. Dobby sleeps under the covers, Claude sleeps on top. Weirdos.

At 4:30 am Claude rocketed off the bed and ran down the hall barking like a freaking lunatic. He barked like I have never heard him bark before. He ran out through the dog door, ran to the other end of the dog run and went completely berserk. It was such a guttural wild, hysterical bark that it was pretty frightening. It took us 10 minutes to get him to come back inside. I'm not sure where Dobby went, we were too worried about what the fuck Claude was freaking out about.

Because there is a history (story to be shared later) of possums present in our backyard, we can only assume that it was another one. Possibly looking for it's relative that dropped dead in our flower bed. It could also have been 1 of 2 cats that prowl around the neighborhood. The food and water are right next to the dog door and apparently at 4:30 this morning the temptation was too great and the critter was hungrier than it was scared.

At least I can say the big lug is a as good at guarding our house as he is at licking people to death. Not a bad character trait to have in a dog. The guarding...not the licking. After I got up this morning, I went outside to see if there was actually anything to see in the dog run. I didn't find any critters but I did find 5 empty Cheetos bags, 2 diapers, 3 balls, an empty coke bottle and a deck of cards.

I don't know what the hell kind of party goes on in that dog run when we're not home but I'm thinking an intervention might happen soon. I will be taking donations for Claude's rehab.

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Bitchy

Just so you all know. I just threw everything off my desk and onto the floor and cried like a big baby.

I think that is the equivalent of throwing myself on the floor and kicking my feet.

My level of frustration and hate for my job and my boss is overwhelming. I've been sitting at my desk in tears trying with all my might to keep it together. All I want to do is walk the fuck out. If it weren't for that damn survival instinct and the instinct to provide for my children I would walk out. I sometimes envy people who can just up and quit and not worry about tomorrow.

I worry about tomorrow. I worry about next week, next month.

The urge to say "Fuck it" is very overwhelming.

Hanging on by a thread.

Ready to drop my basket.

Praying for relief.

Hopeless.

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Hate Mail

Oh my gosh. I need to start off by saying THANK YOU because apparently I have more than 3 readers. I received hate mail from all of them but hello? More than 3 readers! I'm just so tickled. Thanks for stopping by assholes, there is more to come that is sure to piss you off. Come back and see me ya hear?

Lets address both of the morons who emailed me a nasty little note shall we?

Robert M. said "Your a fucking idiot. You shouldn't be complaning about your job. At least you have a fucking job. Shut up and be gratfull that you are able to feed your kids and keep your house!"

First of all Bob, can I call you Bob? No? Okay, I'll just call you dick face. I consider myself quite intelligent as I am able to distinguish the difference between the words "your" and you're. A skill that you are apparently lacking. I would also reconsider using your spell check because dude! Secondly, if I stop complaining just because there are so many other people in the world that are worse off than I am then all of that pressure would just build up in my system and eventually blow out of one of my orifices. I'm sure it wouldn't be pleasant so I'm just going to have to let it out. I will not stop complaining because someone else has more to complain about. If every person in the world did not complain because someone else had it worse then the world would be free of complainers with the exception of that one last person who has it worse than than the entire population of the world. So if I want to complain because I'm not happy with my job then I'm going to do it and you can suck it.

Tiffany0875 said "God you are suck a bitch. At least you have a job. My boyfriend was laid off from his factory job and now we have to move in with his parents and his mother hates me. She doesn't work either but she expects ME to pay her rent. She's so selfish. So stop complaining, there are people out here with REAL prblems. Okay?"

Oh my. I almost don't have to say anything about this one do I? I'm wondering if the first sentence is a Freudian slip. Miss Tiffany. Shut your hole, close your legs, move back home with your mother and watch the news. Watch the news twice a day. I'm begging you for the sake of everyone who has to share oxygen with you.

I understand that there are people who are struggling just to put food on the table and I'm sorry that such struggles exist but I am not going to shut my mouth because I am in a better situation than others. Everything is relative. I hate my job. End of story. I want to do something with my life that I enjoy, something I will be proud of, something that will not suck the life out of me on a daily basis. If I give in to this life of ho-hum, I'm not going to be happy. I want the happy. I want the fulfillment. I want to have pride. So if that seems outrageous to you because I'm an ingrate well then you can just suck it too.

Now where did I put my tiara?

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Work time Blues

I am a bit depressed today and I know it shouldn't be. We have a new President after all. It should be a day full of hopes for our future and happiness about the changes to come. Yeah, yeah I'm down with all of that.

This is a professional kind of depression. I have the work time blues. It's no secret that my job is pretty laid back. I do get time to write these here blog entries and there have been other (lots of) times when I have been guilty of goofing off during work hours. If you take away the laid back factor then I'm left with pushing paperwork around. I will never get a promotion, I will never get demoted. I have no where to go. Sure, I will get my yearly raise but it's standard and unless I fuck up royally it's pretty much a guaranteed raise. I have never not received one and in the many years I have been here I have only seen it happen once. It was an extreme circumstance.

My point is, I'm tired. I'm getting sick of pushing around papers knowing I am never going to do anything else. I'm good at what I do but that doesn't mean I have to like it. I feel like Chandler from Friends. I'm good at the W.E.N.U.S. but I don't want to be. There are people out there who are fulfilling their dreams. They are doing their own thing and they are happy about it.

I blame all of this on my girlfriend who mentioned that it is possible that a particular business that we both like might be sold due to the owners health issues. It's a successful business that has been in operation for 15 years. She made me start thinking about the possibilities of owning my own business. Something that I would have pride in, a place where all of my hard work isn't for nothing.

So now I sit at work all bitchy and whoa is me because I don't want to fucking be here anymore. I'm sure that tomorrow I will be better. Maybe. Whatever. I get like this every so often. I browse through the classified ads looking for another job and a few days later I get over it and get back to working hard at my job. It's a painful cycle that I wish I could just put an end to one way or another. I need to find happiness with what I am doing at my current job or take the steps necessary to open my own business and just shut the fuck up already.

Painful.

I need an intervention or something. Balls to just get out there and go for it, or balls to shut my mouth and push the paper around on my desk.

I guess this is sort of a public prayer. I just need some strength to go one direction or the other.

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On weddings

My co-worker is engaged. She has been engaged since the day I met her. It was almost a year later before she got the ring to make it official. I listened to her whine about not getting the ring or the question during a special occasion and it was driving her nuts. In turn, she was driving me nuts. I wanted the guy to pop the question and give her the ring before I hunted him down and smacked him upside the head with a bag of "whine".

She's getting married in 4 months so now I am bombarded with dresses, jewelry, shoes and wedding details. I'm sick of it. I was sick of it before it even started. Her wedding shouldn't cause me this much stress.

Now? I found out that my boss just bought an engagement ring for his girlfriend. I don't know if I can live through two people in my office planning weddings.

I'm tired of looking at invitations and necklaces and dresses and bridesmaid gifts and color schemes. I don't care and I don't want to know.

I just need her to shut up.

Okay, whining over.

For now. *wink*

Conversations

Actual conversation:

After Amanda's sister left....

Amanda: God, let me just tell you that I hate that my sister is so skinny. We had the same parents and she's this bean pole and I'm not. She has three kids and is still so skinny. She eats anything she wants, how much she wants and she constantly has candy around the house. She is always making deserts and she never has to exercise. I just hate it.

Me: Didn't you once tell me that she has stomach issues and spends a lot of time on the toilet because food goes right through her?

Amanda: Well yeah, but hell, if I thought having constant diarrhea would work I would start taking laxatives right now.

Me: Well, if you end up doing that, your going to have to use a different bathroom.

She gave me a dirty look like I was the one who was out of line.

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Anger

I am an office manager for a non-profit. That's pretty much all I am going to say about who I work for, I would prefer that my job stays private because of this here blog. We are building a new facility. It's a huge facility but the administrative offices are pretty small. I was able to go inside and see the progress of the facility today and I left angry.

By the time we are able to move into the new space I will have worked for this company for almost 5 years. I am not a secretary and I'm not a receptionist. I am the office manager. What this means is that I am the entire human resources department, the entire payroll department, the entire accounting department, the entire A/P, A/R department, taker of minutes, scheduler of meetings, and a whole host of other responsilities that would take forever to list. I am a very busy person despite the fact that I joke around about being a bad employee. I do my job, and I'm very good at it.

That being said, when I saw how small my "area" of the new facility was I wanted to cry. I have a very small "receptionist" space and I have to share that space with my assistant, the copy machine, 3 printers, fax machine, postage machine, filing cabinets, etc.

That's not the only problem. There will be an empty office that I do not get to be in. I would think that after 5 years of hard work and loyalty that I have earned the right to have my own fucking office instead of the receptionist spot. I have repeated time after time that we need a full time receptionist so I can spend more time on the important things. I already have a part time assistant, it would not add an unreasonable amount to the budget to go ahead and hire someone full time.

I'm so angry and frustrated. I don't understand why my boss doesn't see me as a valuable asset that deserves her own office. The empty office will remain empty because we don't have it in our budget to hire a person for the position "reserved" for that space.

God damnit I'm so fucking pissed off. I have 6 months to figure out a way to convince my boss I deserve that office and to hire a full time receptionist.

DAMN IT ALL! FUCK FUCKITY FUCKING SHIT!

No, I don't fucking feel better after that.

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WTF is up with LGBT blogs?

So the 2008 weblog awards are going on right now. I looked up the list for the best LGBT blog and do you know what I found?

They all pretty much suck and I don't know how they ended up being finalists.

There, I said it and I'm not taking it back.

Since when does every worthwhile blog have to be about politics, book reviews, protests, Prop 8, down with GW, etc...boring..etc...

When I think of LGBT, I think of Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgendered. (Duh.)

I don't think of legislation, picketing, and all of that other crap. If I wanted to read a political blog, I would read one. Who picks who is worthy and who isn't?

Give me a gay or lesbian blog that talks about living in the real world, trials and tribulations, coming out to friends, family or work. Parenting, pregnancy, sex and daily life for an ordinary un-political gay person. Seriously, of all the gay people I know, there is 1 who lives their life by politics. The rest? They keep up when they can but they are busy living.

Don't get me wrong, if that is your cup of tea then have a little sugar, sugar but get real. I want to see blogs of substance. A substance other than the political views I have to scrape off the bottom of my shoe.

I guess I am just disappointed that the best LGBT blog will be a political one, rather than an actual LGBT blog.

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Christmas Update Part II

Saturday Dec. 27th: An hour & 15 minute road trip for Jesse's grandmothers funeral. 6 of us packed into the van. Thankfully, no one had gas. We had lunch with the ENTIRE (20+)family before the funeral and I ate some really bad pizza. The funeral was short and sweet, but Jesse left her glasses in the van and I had to pin a rose pendant onto her grandmothers lapel. *shudder* (I see sawed back and forth between "Don't touch her" and "Breathe Kathy breathe!" After a short few minutes of crying and hugging and wiping our snotty noses we headed back home. We rested for less than an hour before we loaded up the kids again and met everyone for Chinese food. Now that was a fun evening. It was good food and good chatting, but the best part was making the reservation on the way home from the funeral. Jesse's family name is the same as a particular Asian name and when I gave the name for the reservation, the gentleman on the other end of the phone asked me if we were American or Asian. *blink* WTF does it matter? Will we get a different table if I say Asian? What if I say 10 of us are American and the other two are Korean would that have made a difference? I of course said "American."

Then everyone started laughing and asked if he really asked if we were Asian or American. I of course said "Yes." Then they all started laughing again.

You have to understand that 30 minutes earlier there was a great story about going to a restaurant and when they asked for a name to put down because there was a wait, he said "Jesus, party of 12." and everyone laughed their ass off. You just had to have been there. It was funny, trust me.


Sunday Dec. 27th: Jesse had to work, I was so sick of Christmas that Eugene and I packed up every stinking Christmas decoration in the house and put it in the attic. Ahhhh life back to normal. Oh..and I took a nap with Molly. Awesome!

It's now January 5th and I'm back to work *cough*. Busy at my desk. Working hard. Catching up. About to kick my co-workers ass. That's another story.

I'm full of stories with not enough time to share them all. Or finger stamina.

Later bitches.

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Christmas Update Part I

Holy Shit! I knew it had been a while since I blogged, but I didn't realize it had been this long. My sincere apologies to my 3 readers.


Where does one start when you've had a non-stop period of drama?


Let's put this in some kind of understandable order.


Monday, Dec. 22nd: Jesse's grandmother's blood pressure dropped and she became unresponsive. This was my first day of vacation. I got the living room cleaned and took a nap with Molly. Jesse's mom went to the doctor and was diagnosed with a torn Miniscus & will require surgery.


Tuesday, Dec. 23rd: Jesse's grandmother has shown no improvement, they are keeping her as comfortable as possible. I cleaned the kitchen and took a nap with Molly.


Wednesday, Dec. 24th: At 5:30 a.m. Jesse wakes me up to tell me her grandmother passed away. I jump out of bed to try to help her gather her things and go to the nursing home. 15 minutes later after I finally woke up and realized what was going on I made a cup of coffee, sat down at the kitchen table and cried like a baby. Then I watched a re-run of Beverly Hills 90210. After that I made eleventy billion chocolate covered pretzels before either of the kids woke up. Later, the pretzels would be a big hit. I also took another nap with Molly.


We usually have a Christmas Eve celebration at Jesse's mom's house. We have light finger foods, visit and exchange gifts. We had to have it at our house because there was no heat at Jesse's mom's house. CRAP. Do you know what kind of mad dash I did to clean the house. I was like the Tasmanian Devil with a dust buster in hand. Eugene got to play Santa and handed out gifts and it was a pretty fun night.


I received a very cute pendant with the letter K in it and a giant road map book (which I requested). The kids of course scored like they do every year and they hadn't even opened our gifts to them or "Santa's" gifts yet. The only down side was the fact that we bought both Jesse's mom and her sister a DVD and I addressed both of them to her sister. That's what happens when I'm left to be in charge of the wrapping. Why Jesse left the wrapping to the former JW who has very little experience in the wrapping category I have no clue. When I finally kicked everyone out got everyone out of the house I was relieved, except for the fact that Jesse's mom had to stay the night because of the no heat at her house issue.


Thursday Dec. 25th: Merry Fucking Christmas Bitches! We had a lovely Christmas morning with Jesse's mom. Eugene got everything on his list except 2 items (more on that later) and Molly was just giddy with all of her new stuff. I can't tell you how hard it was to stuff a Hilshire Farms sausage log into a stocking along with a can of easy cheese. The boy loves it! Santa left a box a crackers for him. (I can have a white trash moment as long as it is a brief moment)


After all the opening of the presents we started making breakfast. Biscuits & Gravy, scrambled eggs and Blue & Gold sausage. I had a big cup of coffee and I was happier than a puppy with 2 peckers! (Okay, 2 white trash moments). Then Eugene said the following: "I am very happy with everything that I got but I was a little disappointed that I didn't get one of the things on my list." Of course, I asked what that one thing was and he said "Iron Man on DVD." It was at that moment that both Jesse and I snapped our necks and looked at each and said at the same: "Shit! Where is it?" I didn't see that DVD when I got the rest of the DVD's out of the secret hiding place. I thought Jesse was gonna beat me down right at that moment. I swear to the little Christmas Elves that I did not see it. It's not my fault. I was overwhelmed with all of the wrapping and funeral planning and doctor appointments and house cleaning. What the hell, give me a damn break! Jesus H. Christ. So Eugene got a bonus gift it seems.


2 hours later we had to be on the road to Jesse's aunts house for Christmas Day lunch/dinner (lunner? linner? dlunner?) where Molly & Eugene got to open MORE gifts. I would to offically say that when I find the person who invented the tiny little plastic Barbie high heels I am going to punch him in the face. Those things hurt when you step on them and not even a little bit. When we finally got home I was exhausted.


I think I officially ate my weight in food during my Christmas vacation and I'm still not full.


Friday Dec 26th: What day is it? I watched TV and took a nap with Molly. I think that is really all I got accomplished that day. Jesse's brother flew in from California and they all gathered at Jesse's mom's house and I stayed home because I NEEDED A FUCKING BREAK!


To be continued......