Not love. Heart disease. My co-worker had a health scare and it made me think about my own mortality. I know that I will die someday. I'm hoping that it will be in my sleep, of natural causes and when I'm elderly. But we all know it doesn't always work out that way. I think it happens a lot less than people imagine.
Of all of the people in my family that have died (and there have been many) only one of those people died peacefully in their sleep (and who really knows for sure if it was peaceful because she was alone). The rest? Heart disease. It sucks. I feel like I'm doomed because not one person in my family (who did not commit suicide, thats a whole other story) has died from something other than heart disease on both sides of my family. Double doomed. Does cancer run in my family? Don't know. No one lives long enough to get cancer.
DOOMED, but I would like to be doomed at an older age than the rest of my family and the only way to do that is to get healthy. I already quit smoking but I am like a ton of other people and I am way too heavy. Food is my drug of choice, my lover, my confidant, my security blanket. I've been leaning on my confidant too much because it shows in the form of a closet full of clothes that I can longer squeeze my ass into.
So I started taking baby steps. I have had oatmeal for breakfast 3 times this week AND I did not slather it with butter. I used on packet of Splenda and one small pat of butter. That has to be better than a sausage egg McMuffin right? Or Bavarian cream filled donuts or that damn breakfast burrito that is so stinkin yummy. I need a napkin, I'm drooling.
I have also tried to reduce the amount of food I eat because I can eat like a football player y'all. It's not even funny. There was this incident at IHOP over the weekend and I have forbidden Jesse to speak about it. Not even to me. I'm in the process of suppressing that memory.
The good news? I have lost 2.5 lbs in 4 days. THAT to me, is amazing. I just need to get through the weekend without frying something. For those of you who are from the South, you know what I mean.