Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Mid-life work crisis

I know that I should feel lucky and grateful that I have a steady job. I work for a non-profit that has a lot of public support and will never shut its doors. I'm thankful. Really. I am. I don't have to worry about being laid off, my kids have medical insurance and I have a paycheck.

So why am I so miserable that I want to find a new job?

I am the reason Lithium was invented. Seriously.

Why is it so hard to leave corporate America? I'm not qualified to do anything other than run an office. I'm good at it, but I am growing to hate every single minute of it. I'm growing to hate my co-workers and I'm growing to hate my boss even more than I did before. I feel like an ass for that because the man has cancer but I can't help how I feel.

I want to be a park ranger, a painter, motivational speaker (who am I kidding!) or a lingerie model (shut up). I have dreams people and it doesn't involve receiving paper cuts on a daily basis. I want to be irresponsible. I want to yell "I quit", walk out the door and never return. But I can't. I have bills to pay and children to keep healthy and fed. Why does this have to be so hard?

So, I'm praying that I will find the path that will make me happy. Praying, hoping and wishing.

Maybe I should get off my butt and actually do some work to find this miracle happy making job. :) I guess it's not going to fall out of the sky and hit me on the head. Damnit.


No comments: