Adventures in house training

We kind of sort of rescued a puppy a couple weeks ago and by rescue I mean "stole". Heh. I'll have to fill you in on that later, until the coast is clear. Ahem.

We fell in love with this puppy immediately. He's quite a character. He likes to jump, run, chew on everything and knock Molly down to watch her cry. Molly is missing a lot of crayons and I think maybe it's not a coincidence. Oh the look on his face says "I didn't do it mommy I swear", but it's hard to believe him with crayon wrapper stuck to his face.

To say that house training is not going that great is like telling the last Cheeto in the bag that it's safe from Britney. I try to watch him like a hawk but when your trying to make dinner and wrangle a 2 year old, it's just not that easy. In the evenings we put him in the den with the gate up while Eugene is in there destroying precious brain cells playing XBox and he has never peed in there (the dog..not Eugene..although sometimes I wonder). The dog door is in the den and it opens up into a fairly large brick dog run, so the dog door and the hard wood floors are probably the reason he doesn't pee in there. But the minute he steps on the living room carpet he feels the need to drop his contents right then and there. It's frustrating, and when I try to grab him to take him outside he thinks it's a game and starts running and does he stop peeing while he's running? Hells no. He's peeing and running, I'm yelling and chasing. I end up with a small puddle and then a line of pee running through half of the house and I'm chasing a puppy who thinks I'm playing and I'm really thinking up puppy meat recipes in my head. And! I guarantee you that I would be the ONLY one in the house to see the 15 foot long stream of pee. It's like everyone else in the house can't see below their knees.

It's amazing how less cute he became after he started pissing on everything. Every time I step in a wet spot the only thing that comes out of my mouth is "Fucking shithead puppy." I say that with much love and adoration. Really. Because 10 minutes later I'm wrestling with him and rubbing his tummy. If I can't catch him in the act it doesn't do any good to scold him. I shower him with love with the hopes that he will eventually get that fact that mommy doesn't like it when he pees on the floor and he will love me so much that he will want to please me and what would please me is for him to relieve himself outside. Preferably before I put the finishing touches on my puppy kabob recipe.

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