To the fuck wad who broke into Lin's car last night:
You sir, are an asshole. I wanted to let you know that we appreciate you not taking the credit cards, it was so nice of you to not inconvenience us by making us call 20 different credit card companies. That was so considerate of you. Big kisses.
I understand that you probably came from disadvantaged circumstances, maybe your daddy hit you and your mama never gave you love. You’re probably addicted to crack or something so you needed money so you could get your fix. You poor thing you.
You took my sons Nintendo DS. Fucker. Although I kind of like the idea of him not having a single video game, he never did a thing to you. You broke his heart; I hope that you choke on your crack pipe.
We will however miss the $3.00 you took. That was donut money dude. So! Fucking! Wrong! You are depriving my girlfriend of her morning donuts, that will cause a chain reaction, and I am sure that someone who works for her will get fired today.
Your theft is like a domino effect, how does it feel to put someone out of work for a measly $3.00 and a Nintendo? Fucker. I hope that $3.00 goes a long way toward your next fix.
And this is the part where I call you a dumbass for the best demonstration of your mental faculties because you left the very expensive set of knives that were in the back. Dude, you could have totally scored. DUMB! ASS!
I wish you a long life in prison performing fellatio for cigarettes. May your drug habit cause you to itch uncontrollably, may your house fly away courtesy of spring tornadoes and may you become impotent.
Hugs and Kisses,