"I would like to know why the fucking paper fairy threw up all over my desk!"
"What's with the fur coat? Did he take up pimping?"
"Would it be TMI for me to send out an email telling everyone that I will be out of the office for my annual vagina exam?"
*Fart* "Well Jesus H. Christ, that thing has a mind of it's own."
"So then I told him to throw a banana in the microwave for 30 seconds and suck on it and see how he likes it."