Friday, January 18, 2008

About a girl

My son takes after me in at least one aspect. He has a flare for the dramatic. Well, less "flare" and more like a blow torch. Everything is a BIG deal. This really didn't start happening until the last year or so when puberty hit. Before that, he was a nice little boy who wasn't phased by much. I called it the "Oh well" attitude. That soon turned into the "Oh hell" attitude. Let me just give you a few samples:

My pencil broke

Oh Well: "Ooooh, this is an opportunity to finish my eraser and pencil sculpture."

Oh Hell: "I'll NEVER get my homework done now! I will NEVER get all my merits at school and I will NEVER get to go on the field trip and I am such a loser!"

Spilled milk on the counter

Oh Well: "Hey mom, LOOK! That puddle looks like a velociraptor!

Oh Hell: "Oh No! Look at this mess! I can't do anything right! Then he crumples up in a pile on the floor and bursts into flames.

On New Years Eve he went to a lock in with a friend at his friends church. He's been to them before, it's pretty much a bunch of kids, eating junk food, playing video games and seeing who's farts stink the most. Completely harmless, or was it?

For about 5 days after the lock-in he acted weird. He was moping around the house like I had kicked his puppy or something. He was so quiet, moody and somber that I wanted to open a vein because I just. couldn't. take it. any more. Something was wrong with our son and I needed to fix it because I needed my goofy practical joker of a son back. I really missed "Guess what?" "What?" "Chicken Butt!" Hahaha!

One night at dinner after we just had enough of the way he was acting I confronted him. I asked him what the hell happened at that lock in and he kept insisting that nothing happened. When I told him I was going to call his friends mom to find out he finally started spilling the beans. Mushy, soggy beans, but not before I completely freaked out when I misunderstood him.

He put his hand over his eyes so he wouldn't have to look at us and he said "There was this girl." Well that solves a big mystery. Lin and I just looked at each other with relief because we were certain that something bad had happened to him. Our minds wandered to really bad places and I really wanted him to tell me something other than what I was thinking and thank you thank you thank you it's about a girl! Awwwwww.

THEN! I misunderstood him. I thought he said "The guys were putting a lot of pressure on me." and I freaked out again because what did they talk him into doing and did the girl give permission and what if she said no and he felt pressured into doing something and OH MY GOD WHAT DID MY BABY BOY DO!!! At this point my eyes popped out my head spun in circles and my face melted off. So yeah, I freaked out.

"Who was putting pressure on you?"
"You guys!" (Big fat tears streaming down his face)

Oh...WE were putting pressure on him. Oh whew! Thank GOD!

"I don't know why I'm crying, it's NOT SAAAAADDDD (wahhhhhh)!!" (drama, tears, drama)


Lin and I just looked at each other because we really had no clue at this point, so Lin asked him if he had sex. Dun dun dun!


"Did you touch her boob?"


"Did you kiss her?"

"NO! There was no touching at all!"

"Well then what the hell happened?"

*dramatic pause*
*deep breath*


So it was pretty harmless after all.


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