I'm so getting in trouble for posting this, but I changed the identity so this person will remain anonymous.
This was an actual email conversation.
Me: Hi! I have cramps. Love, Kathy
Jennifer: Ugh! I'm sorry. I'm constipated. Love, Jennifer
Me: You know, they make stuff for that. You seem to have an ongoing problem. Eugene started taking a Metamucil tablet every day and now...no problems. He no longer spends 45 minutes on the toilet trying to go. WHOOSH!
Jennifer: I'm going to get a colon cleanser this weekend and start taking something like that every day.
Me: Please tell me they don't put a picture of that on the bottle.
Jennifer: I don't think they put of a picture of that on the bottle.
Me: I hope not, imagine if your man-friend came over and snooped through your cabinet and found a bottle with a picture of an evacuated colon on it. Sexy!
Jennifer: Hahaha! Yeah, that will get me laid!
Me: Of course, on the other hand. He may think you did it for him. Ahahahaha *cough*
Jennifer: Bwahahahahahahaha! You're killing me here!!!
Me: You know I'm totally going to blog about this.
Jennifer: Ugh, ok.
So, thank you very much Jennifer for giving me material for my blog. SMOOCHES!