Friday, September 26, 2008

Here kitty, kitty, kitty

This shit only happens to me. I'm convinced of that. I must have been pure evil in my former life to deserve this.

When leaving work the other day I put my car in reverse and started backing out of the parking lot. I thought I heard someone yell "Help, help!" So I turned down my radio and I heard it again. Only it's wasn't "Help, help!" it was "meow, meow!". I listened harder. "Meow, meow!"

No. fucking. way.

There was a cat inside the engine of my car. I put the car in drive, pulled back into the parking space, turned the engine off, popped the hood and started examining the engine.

I could hear it, but I couldn't see it. I kept thinking "Great, there's probably half a cat splattered all over the inside of my engine. "Meow!" At least it's the bottom half.

It was raining. I didn't have an umbrella*. I was not amused. I called Lin.


"Hey, how do you get a cat out of an engine?"


"Cat. Engine. Need it out. Need it out now."

"How the fuck did you get a cat caught in your engine?"

"I didn't do it on purpose! I heard it when I was leaving work and it's in my engine and it's meowing really loud and I can't see it and it's meowing and it's raining and it's meowing and I want it out!"

Then it poked it's little head out for 2.5 seconds and I realize that it's not a cat, it's an itty bitty kitten type imitation of a full grown cat.

"Shit!! It's a kitten, it's a little baby kitten. Damn kitten! Get the hell out!"

"Calm down, I can't come help you right now, can I send Danny over to help?"

"No, I'll go see if my boss can help. Shit! Shit! Shit!"

I called up to my office and told Amanda what was going on and asked her to ask our boss for help. Amanda came down the stairs 5 minutes later. Did I mention that it's raining? I have no umbrella and I'm soaking wet and it's raining? With all of the rain?

She came to my rescue with a can of tuna. That kitten was so tiny, I felt so sorry for him. Every time we tried to reach for him he jumped back into my engine. Little fucker. I finally made a bold grab for him preparing myself for the possibility that he could bite me or claw my face off and I would have to take him and have his head cut off and tested for rabies. Not that I overreact to these type of situations or anything, and not that I get into these type of situations a lot or anything. Ahem.

So I wrapped the kitten up in a towel and drove him home where my dogs flipped out completely. We weren't going to keep it regardless but it was funny watching the dogs go berserk.

Kitty went to the pound. Poor kitty.

* After it was said and done, there was an umbrella in the back of my car the whole time. Stupid kitty.



Real Live Lesbian said...

You don't like a wet pussy? ;)

Glad you got him out safe and sound.

Rage Angel said...

LOL, WOOOOO!!!! I needed that comment!!