Tuesday, September 16, 2008

The Great State Fair

We didn't go last year. I'm not sure why, but at the time I'm sure I had a good reason. I just won't remember that reason for another 2 years. Short term memory problems are good like that.

Our biggest goal was for Molly to be able to ride the rides because she is fearless and we knew it would be huge fun for her. Who knew that even in the "Lil Pardner" section you still had to be 36" to ride. Some of the ride operators wouldn't let her on, but then we got wise and carried her to each ride so they wouldn't see exactly how not 36" she was. It worked. I have lots of pictures. They're still on the camera but at least I took them and I'm sure in 3 or 4 weeks I'll download them to the laptop. Until then you can use your imagination. Here, I will help.

Picture a 2 year-old girl, not yet 36" tall, screaming her head off because she doesn't yet know the concept of "wait your turn". She has chocolate on her shirt, her hair is wild and she is the one yelling "WANT TO RIDE NOW!" Once she gets on the ride she grins from ear to ear and then throws a huge fit in front of everyone because "I WANT TO RIDE AGAIN!" and then we repeat the whole "wait your turn" non concept getting.

And there you have it. Except, add sunburns to everyone because we had no idea we were outside long enough to get a sunburn because we only go to the fair to buy the jams, jellies, salsas and trinkets that we don't need. Oh and can I just say that Made in Oklahoma Honey ROCKS! AND if you ever get a chance to buy this salsa then you better because it is so good I can eat a bottle in one day.

Okay, we also go to people watch. There isn't anything funnier than watching a bunch of rednecks dress up in their best Metallica t-shirt, get drunk and ride the rides until they puke. Everybody has their personal favorites. This one is mine. Judge me if you will. I also get to pass judgement when I see the line in front of the Deep Fried Twinkies booth is a mile long. And that line is full of fat people. *Fat people who are probably a deep fried twinkie away from a coronary event.

Molly finally gave out and slept in her wagon while we perused the buildings in search for the perfect jar of (insert anything Made in Oklahoma here) that we just had to have. I think we ended up with 5 different jars of stuff. We sampled the honey last night with our KFC biscuits and I can't wait to open up the rest. You just can't beat biscuits and honey. Mmmmm mmmmm. I don't sound like a redneck at all do I? DO I?

The only thing that puzzles me EVERY STINKING YEAR at the fair is women/girls who wear hooker heels to the fair. Why? I want to yank their heels off and beat the stupid girls in the head with them. Your feet will pay the price. Maybe not today, or tomorrow but they will get their revenge and I will laugh at you for having to wear orthopedic shoes by the time you are 30. Neener.

*please remember that it is okay for fat people to make fun of other fat people. It's not? Damn, I really must be a bitch. Heh. Nevermind then.


1 comment:

Real Live Lesbian said...

I have never eaten a fried twinkie. But I have made fun of the fatties at the fair with the skinny man walking alongside praying for a crumb!

I'm a bitch, too...sometimes.