Critters

We all went to bed fairly early last night. Lin as usual was exhausted and was asleep shortly after 8:00 pm. I hate that her work is so physically draining. She's also having some back pain. I would be tired too if I were on my feet all day dealing with customers. Lucky for me I get to sit on my ass all day and the biggest risk to my health is paper cuts and carpal tunnel.

Molly & I crawled into bed because I didn't feel like dealing with the drama of putting her in her own bed and we were both asleep fairly quick. We all slept so sound. It was an awesome night. That is, until 4:30 this morning.

Depending on where everyone sleeps the dogs have their favorite place to sleep. Eugene keeps his door shut at night so they don't sleep with him. If Molly is in her own bed, 1 or both of the dogs are sleeping with her. If Molly, Lin and I are all in the same bed the dogs are with us too. Dobby sleeps under the covers, Claude sleeps on top. Weirdos.

At 4:30 am Claude rocketed off the bed and ran down the hall barking like a freaking lunatic. He barked like I have never heard him bark before. He ran out through the dog door, ran to the other end of the dog run and went completely berserk. It was such a guttural wild, hysterical bark that it was pretty frightening. It took us 10 minutes to get him to come back inside. I'm not sure where Dobby went, we were too worried about what the fuck Claude was freaking out about.

Because there is a history (story to be shared later) of possums present in our backyard, we can only assume that it was another one. Possibly looking for it's relative that dropped dead in our flower bed. It could also have been 1 of 2 cats that prowl around the neighborhood. The food and water are right next to the dog door and apparently at 4:30 this morning the temptation was too great and the critter was hungrier than it was scared.

At least I can say the big lug is a as good at guarding our house as he is at licking people to death. Not a bad character trait to have in a dog. The guarding...not the licking. After I got up this morning, I went outside to see if there was actually anything to see in the dog run. I didn't find any critters but I did find 5 empty Cheetos bags, 2 diapers, 3 balls, an empty coke bottle and a deck of cards.

I don't know what the hell kind of party goes on in that dog run when we're not home but I'm thinking an intervention might happen soon. I will be taking donations for Claude's rehab.

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The great puppy caper

As I said previously we rescued a puppy. I use to word "rescue" loosely. So loose even Paris Hilton's vagina is jealous. Okay so we stole him. Don't be judging the puppy stealer's, it's not our fault. If dumbass people didn't buy puppies from a puppy mill, get them home and realize that they are a lot of work, you know because they need to eat, drink, poop, pee and breathe and then chain them up in their front yard for a week straight in the Oklahoma heat when they have a perfectly large, fenced in backyard with a ton of shade AND a doghouse then their puppies would not get stolen rescued! So save your judgemental tendencies for Sarah Palin, because she deserves it.

Okay, this is how it happened. Lin drives by a particular house on her way home every day. And for a week this poor little dog was chained up in the front yard. No shade. It was hot. Really, really hot. Did I mention that he was chained up? Because he was CHAINED UP. With chains! Every day she drove by this house and every day that poor dog was there. Just lying there all pathetic and needing someone who would love him in an air conditioned environment and get him a haircut because we won't be having any long-haired doggy hippies at our house. She actually thought he was dead at one point.

She finally told me about it so I said "Well, I guess were going to have to go steal rescue a dog tonight. After dark. With gloves on and discussing whether or not we need to put tape over the dome light and which one of us is driving and which one of us might possibly get bitten while trying to free this dog. Dog-napping takes planning y'all.

So we waited. After it got dark we took off into the night. We circled the block 3 times to make sure no one was watching and that the owners of the dog were indeed STILL not home. I thought my heart was going to beat out of my chest. I was so nervous and so afraid of getting caught, or shot. It would be difficult to explain away a gunshot wound. Especially to my boss and my mom.

We parked about a half a block away. I figured the less time I'm seen running down the street with a dog the better. I opened the door, put on my gloves and ran! The dog started barking at me but I put my fear aside, reached down and started to pet him and he rolled over and showed me his belly. This was a good sign that he wasn't going to chew my hand off. I grabbed his collar and tried to free him from the chain only I couldn't get the clasp open. After what seemed like forever and I'm sure it was probably only a few seconds, I flung my gloves off and opened the clasp. I grabbed my gloves, scooped the dog into my arms and ran like my ass was on fire.

I jumped into the car and we took off. The dog apparently had never had anyone pet him because his tail was wagging so fast it created a gust of wind. He was so excited. After we drove down the street a little I turned on the dome light and discovered that yes indeed the dog was male (I knew this because he had testicles.) What surprised me was that he was a puppy. We had assumed that it was a full grown dog, but his poochy little belly gave him away.

So that is how Claude joined our little, albeit expanding family.

We took him to the vet to get his shots and to get his nuts chopped off and the veterinarian said he was about 5 months old. Poor puppy. I am still so mad at the people who chained him up. He has turned out to be the sweetest little boy. He's still very hyper especially when we first get home or when strangers come over but he's slowly learning how to behave and the house training is going well. He rarely has accidents in the house.

We are convinced we made the right decision and we would do it over again. He needed us and I'm convinced now more than ever that we needed him.


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Here kitty, kitty, kitty

This shit only happens to me. I'm convinced of that. I must have been pure evil in my former life to deserve this.

When leaving work the other day I put my car in reverse and started backing out of the parking lot. I thought I heard someone yell "Help, help!" So I turned down my radio and I heard it again. Only it's wasn't "Help, help!" it was "meow, meow!". I listened harder. "Meow, meow!"

No. fucking. way.

There was a cat inside the engine of my car. I put the car in drive, pulled back into the parking space, turned the engine off, popped the hood and started examining the engine.

I could hear it, but I couldn't see it. I kept thinking "Great, there's probably half a cat splattered all over the inside of my engine. "Meow!" At least it's the bottom half.

It was raining. I didn't have an umbrella*. I was not amused. I called Lin.

"Hello?"

"Hey, how do you get a cat out of an engine?"

"WHAT?"

"Cat. Engine. Need it out. Need it out now."

"How the fuck did you get a cat caught in your engine?"

"I didn't do it on purpose! I heard it when I was leaving work and it's in my engine and it's meowing really loud and I can't see it and it's meowing and it's raining and it's meowing and I want it out!"

Then it poked it's little head out for 2.5 seconds and I realize that it's not a cat, it's an itty bitty kitten type imitation of a full grown cat.

"Shit!! It's a kitten, it's a little baby kitten. Damn kitten! Get the hell out!"

"Calm down, I can't come help you right now, can I send Danny over to help?"

"No, I'll go see if my boss can help. Shit! Shit! Shit!"

I called up to my office and told Amanda what was going on and asked her to ask our boss for help. Amanda came down the stairs 5 minutes later. Did I mention that it's raining? I have no umbrella and I'm soaking wet and it's raining? With all of the rain?

She came to my rescue with a can of tuna. That kitten was so tiny, I felt so sorry for him. Every time we tried to reach for him he jumped back into my engine. Little fucker. I finally made a bold grab for him preparing myself for the possibility that he could bite me or claw my face off and I would have to take him and have his head cut off and tested for rabies. Not that I overreact to these type of situations or anything, and not that I get into these type of situations a lot or anything. Ahem.

So I wrapped the kitten up in a towel and drove him home where my dogs flipped out completely. We weren't going to keep it regardless but it was funny watching the dogs go berserk.

Kitty went to the pound. Poor kitty.

* After it was said and done, there was an umbrella in the back of my car the whole time. Stupid kitty.

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