Awakenings

I never in a million years thought I would abandon my blog. Life gets busy and other things become a priority. My health has been a big issue. I spent 3 days in the hospital with a bowel infection and a few weeks later had to have my gallbladder out. I wish I could say that the surgery fixed my problems but I'm just not that lucky.

I'm still pooping fluids and dealing with the painful stomach cramps that can not only bring me to my knees but can lay me out on the floor in the fetal position, breaking out in a sweat and passing out. It's such a joy to be me. I'm dealing. Sometimes not very well.

We just had our roof replaced and the inside of the house smells like "new house". Instead of relaxing and taking it easy on this holiday weekend we are painting the living room and the hallway and on Sunday we will enjoy a meal with family.

That is it for the moment, I have tons of stories to share. I hope my health holds up.

Cheers.

Ahh hell

I need to know why I volunteered to come in on my day off to finish a project when I'm not the one who won't be finished with my part.

It's not my fault that the two people who make all the money dropped the ball and aren't ready but I'm the one who has to compromise and get the job done.

Fuckers.

Tee hee's and ha ha's

There once was a beautiful lesbian princess named KayJay. Although she is a pampered princess she still has to work for a living. The princess had to run errands for her job and went to Michaels to pick up a few things that will be needed at an event next week.

As the princess was browsing the isles her stomach began to churn. Her stomach made noises she had never heard. She could feel a bubble of gas building inside her gut. Determined not to embarrass herself she clinched her cheeks real tight so she wouldn't let it go in front of people.

It was a futile attempt at propriety. The gas bubble was too much. The strength of a thousand butt cheeks would not hold in what was about to erupt. The princess walked down the candle isle and relaxed.

"prrrrrnnnnnfffffff"

Thankfully, it wasn't loud enough to be embarrassing. However, the term silent but deadly comes to mind. The princess continued down the isle and stopped to look at different votive holders. That is when 2 other customers starting walking down the same isle. What the princess heard next cause a laughing fit a epic proportions and lots of funny looks her way.

"Oh my gosh!!! Something smells fantastic!"

The princess was so tickled at what had happened that she continued to laugh even while at the register. It's amazing how many people will smile and laugh with you and they have no clue what they are laughing at.

Then the princess laughed happily ever after, back to her 9 to 5.

The End.

Awesomeness

I left the office and had to trek through the park because our parking lot is being re-constructed. I got up to my car and noticed two women in the car next to me. They were snuggling and making out and touching each others neck and face, it was very cute.

Then I got in my car, got settled, reached over to put my seat belt and I glanced over and they were in the midst of having sex. Not full on sex, but one of them was laying back in her seat with the other girls hand down her pants and she was obviously having a great time. So I watched for a minute. They didn't even notice me. I WATCHED 2 GIRLS HAVING SEX!!!! And it wasn't porn on the TV!

It was pretty awesome. It made my day complete. I should have to park in the other lot more often. (As long as I don't step on anymore condoms...yuck)

Birthday Suckage Update

Crow is not the best tasting stuff around. Trust me.

As it turns out, my lovely Jesse did order my birthday present and it just has not arrived yet. She claims that she told me, but I don't recall the conversation.

So, maybe my birthday wasn't as sucky as I thought and I'm getting exactly what I asked for. A Garmin. I am so directionally challenged it's not even funny. I got tired of getting turned around and having to print out maps for every outing.

I am definitely a dumb blond when it comes to finding my way around.

So yay! My birthday present is on its way!!

In the Ghetto

Do you see this? Do you know what this is? I stepped on this when I got out of my car this morning at work. This was in the parking lot. Under my shoe. It made a squishy sound.

*shiver*

A used condom. *gag*

I love working in the ghetto, I get to experience so many things. Stepping on used condoms, witnessing drug deals, watching the pimps and the prostitutes conduct their business, catching someone smoking pot behind the office and my favorite, being approached in the parking lot by someone wanting "just one dollar so they can ride the bus home."

What will tomorrow bring?

Cruella diaries

I may have mentioned before how much contempt I hold for my co-worker. It has grown exponentially in the last 6 months. It's to the point that the mere sound of her voice makes me want to stick bamboo skewers through my ears and twist them repeatedly.

Ever since we moved into our new offices, which was about 10 weeks ago she has been leaving little gifts on the toilet seat. And by little gifts I mean rather long pubic hairs. *shiver*

I haven't said anything because I'm just not that bold. I just keep thinking "Come On! Can't you at least look at the toilet seat when you are through in there just to make sure that you're not leaving anything behind? Isn't that basic hygiene and manners?"

I need Jesse's balls of steel. She can tell anyone anything without hesitation. I love that about her.

Also, the length of them? Gross. Ack!

*shiver*

Also, I think she is taking laxatives because ....well, I will leave that to your imagination.

*shiver*

I'm so grossed out by her.

*shiver*

I need to find my coat. All of this shivering is making my nipples hurt.